Floor Reflections

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The floor section that I made shiny this weekend.

Like most of you, I am sheltering in place, at home to reduce the rapid spread of the CONOVID 19 virus.

This gives me lots of time to work on home projects and restoring the floor is a meditative, time-consuming process. It gives me lots of time to reflect on things (other than how great the floor is going to look.)

One of the thoughts that I keep returning to is “How did I get here?” I retired at age 58 from a job that I had loved for decades until I felt overextended and burnt out. I’ve been a caregiver since I was 11 years old. I still am. When did it stop being a purpose and become a burden? I can’t identify the day that happened, but I can identify the decade that it did. It has taken me 2 years of active self-care to get to a point of feeling well enough to start a new project.

Next thought, “Where do I want to go from here?” And I am just beginning to feel my way into the answer.

So while I am sheltering at home, I will continue to clean and lean into what comes.

13 thoughts on “Floor Reflections

      1. Sending a lot of goods thoughs your way Fawn. I feel very tired myself and a bit ill today, like if I had a cold but I havn’t seen anybody I could catch a cold from in the last 3 weeks. I have heard the symptoms of the virus could increase in the second week, but I was feeling well last week, no idea why I feel ill since yesterday (but not very ill). I hear that most people are cured after 2 weeks but I wonder if the doctors refers only to lung capacity and don’t take into account fatigue…

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      2. My understanding of the second wave of the illness is that it is caused by the body’s immune system’s response to the virus and that this is the most dangerous part. Please, please, Beatrice-if you develop shortness of breath or a cough at this point, please seek medical attention.

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      3. Sorry Fawn, I have scared you without reason! False alert, it was just a stomach bug (or food poisoning). I felt much better already this afternoon. But as everybody knows, one is very very ill with a stomach bug, so yesterday I felt extremely sorry for myself ;-)) I cannot say it was good to be distracted from the corona thoughts…but almost!
        I have already experienced that I can develop a lot of strange symptoms, mostly extreme fatigue and headache before having something stomach-related.
        What is totally bewildering to me, is how I got it. I go out just for groceries once a week (apart from daily walks/cycling) and I always wear gloves. And the other members of my family ate the same as me and weren’t sick!
        Thanks again for your concern. How are you?

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    1. I think that this is true. The earth is having a fever and I am in a resting phase, which are coinciding. I am sad for the suffering that is occurring, but I think something wonderful may bloom afterwards.

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  1. Sending energy and light for your immune system, Fawn. What a strange time this is. The Desert Fathers made rope, an activity that allowed them to support themselves without interfering with their meditation. My email name arose out of a reality that showed me how to be useful and at the same time lean into the Spirit. I hope that each of us during this strange time can find a rhythm that allows us some sanity and hope.

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    1. In the midst of all the suffering that this virus brings (people can’t work or pay their bills, people can’t breathe, people have lost loved ones,) I do think that learning to “Be” is the way through. Some will not be able to. So it is really challenging to hold space both for the people who will learn how to Be, and those that will not Be any longer. That is my current meditation at home.

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